Camila Williams | Living Well CBT

Book Review: Boundaries

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Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life by Drs. Cloud and Townsend is a Christian/Biblically based book on an essential life skill: setting healthy boundaries. I did not know this book was Biblically based when it was first recommended to me, and though I am still searching for a good secular book I can recommend, this book does an excellent job in educating the reader about what are boundary problems, where they come from, and how to address them. Setting healthy boundaries is a skill that most survivors of trauma, abuse, or controlling environments needs to learn. I plan to do a blog series on boundaries later on but for now here is a cliff notes version of the basic boundary problems:

4 Types of Boundary Problems:

  • Can’t Say No – this person is a compliant, people pleaser. …read more

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Mental Health First Aid Kit

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You probably have a first aid kit somewhere in your home, car, or work. You are ready for any mishap from a paper-cut to a gash. Are you as prepared for a mental health emergency? You know when you feel that panic attack coming on, or your anger is going through the roof, or your depression is nose diving into despair. It is just as important to be prepared with a mental health 1st Aid Kit to help you survive those intense moments on that emotional roller coaster. Below are some suggestions of things to include in your 1st Aid Kit but you can be as creative with this as your heart desires. It is supposed to be a personalized grab bag of things to help you slow down the intense reactions in order to think more clearly. I previously wrote about making a soothing kit for coping with symptoms of PTSD, this is the same concept. The goal here is to remove the thinking part out of the equation when you’re in panic mode or despair. The last thing your brain can do when emotions are riding high is think clearly. So prepare a 1st Aid Kit with pre-planned things to do to help settle your mind and get back in control of your emotions.…read more

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How to Cope With PTSD: Symptoms of Re-experiencing

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I previously wrote about understanding the symptoms of PTSD here and learning about how it develops and factors that maintain it here. Today’s focus is how to cope with the cluster of PTSD symptoms called re-experiencing or “intrusive” symptoms.

What are Re-experiencing Symptoms?

Re-experiencing or Intrusive symptoms of PTSD are symptoms where you feel as if you are re-living the trauma or being haunted by the trauma. The memory of the trauma plays out so vividly for you that you feel as if it just happened again. The most intense version of this is when you have a flashback and for awhile you forget that you are safe and you believe you are back in the trauma again. These memories are “intrusive” meaning they pop up and intrude on your day at the worst times. These memories also cause intense emotional and physical reactions, leaving you feeling very upset and very worn out.

Why do we Re-experience the Trauma?

…read more

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Book Review: The Optimistic Child

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The Optimistic Child by Martin Seligman, Ph.D. teaches you how to “immunize” your child against depression by teaching them how to think optimistically. Dr. Seligman is the former president of the American Psychological Association and the founder of the Positive Psychology movement. I absolutely loved his book and I recommend it for anyone, even if you don’t have kids. It is a very dense read. It did make me feel like this was a textbook for a course on child psychology, but what you learn from it is invaluable. The Optimistic Child basically outlines, in a very clear, easy to follow manner, how to use cognitive behavioral therapy in your life. If you want to know what a CBT therapist does in session read this book! Dr. Seligman advocates that every parent has to first learn how to use these skills themselves before they can teach it to their own kids. My poor kids have a psychologist for a mother and I of course read this thinking about how I can help my own kids but the target range for the program here is for 8 to 13 year olds. Children under 8 years don’t yet have the ability for meta-cognition so the approach is a bit different but Dr. Seligman addresses this too at the end of his book.

A few of the key highlights from the book:

Optimism is not just a look at the silver lining, think positive, or wear rose colored glasses approach to life. Optimism, as taught in cognitive behavioral therapy, is how you explain the things that go on around you. It is your explanatory style. Dr. Seligman outlines 3 patterns of thinking that differ the most between optimists and pessimists:…read more

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3 Types of Trauma No One Talks About

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When we talk about trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) we think of specific events: Combat, Rape, Assault, Fire, Car Accident, etc… However, there are 3 other types of events that occur daily, little by little, over a long period of time that are also traumatic and can lead to the development of PTSD in some people:

Uncertainty

One night you make your partner’s favorite meal: steak. You go out of your way to get it just right and look forward with hope to see the smile on his face when he sees you remembered his favorite and nailed it. Dinner goes smoothly. He loved it and praised your excellent cooking skills. All is good. Two weeks later you decide to do the same thing. Surprise him with his favorite steak dinner. This time though, as soon as he realizes it he starts berating you for wasting money, steak is expensive! He blames you for all your financial troubles starting with buying steak! Then he berates your cooking: overdone, under seasoned, etc… You are no good, you’re stupid, you’re lucky he’s even with you! Uncertainty. You never know if what you do will please him or upset him. You and everyone else walk on eggshells around him. Life is an uncertain mess and because of that you are always on guard, always on alert, just waiting for something to go wrong. Another example: …read more

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How to help a Loved One with thoughts of Suicide

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The recent high profile suicides have left many of us with our heads spinning. Why? How? I don’t get it? In today’s world of Instagram posts and Facebook likes we have become accustomed to seeing a very curated image of other’s lives. We share and post the good images, the fun outings, and the exciting moments. Wealth, beauty, success become ever present standards by which we believe we “should” be living. And this can easily lead to the false belief that those things will bring us peace, happiness, and joy. What goes on behind the scenes, well, stays there. I’m reminded of when I posted a Christmas photo of my kids. Everyone liked and commented on how cute they all looked. I was thrilled. No one asked or talked about the 51 takes, bribing, crying, whining, and begging that it took to get that one shot. All they saw were the “perfect kids” having a “perfect Christmas,” when in fact it was far from perfect. So when we hear about someone who on the surface appears to have the things that many of us desire, it shocks us into remembrance that there is so much more going on under the surface of the public image we all carefully curate.

So what do I do?

You are not going to recognize the signs of depression and suicidal thoughts in your loved ones through a text message, tweet, emoji, or social media post. All the reading and googling in the world about the signs of suicide is no substitute for actual in person interaction with those we love. So what do I do? 1) Connect in person, 2) Listen, just listen, and 3) Don’t be afraid to talk about suicide.

1) Connect in Person

The only way to genuinely peak underneath the surface of the public image we all share is to connect in person with our friends and loved ones. A text, comment, like, or repost, is no substitute for a phone call, or better yet, a visit. …read more

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